http://www.unpredictable-god.blogspot.com

Friday, September 30, 2005

ROD PDS 2005

--< blabbered at 10:07 PM >--

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

It's Not You

you know i'm there

but you're not aware

i stand in the rain

my soul in pain

you know i try

you know i vie

for your undying love

as pure as a dove

you know what i hear

you know what i fear

but you don't give it thought

my effort came to nought

as i gaze at you today

my heart was blown away

but as you gaze at another

my heart began to wither

quietly i think

as lightly as i blink

hurtfully i shudder

pain hit like thunder

the sight was aching

and my heart was breaking

have i not woken to see

that you are not the one for me

Composed By ME so don't claim credit for it.
If you want to use it, ask me via tagboard.

--< blabbered at 9:26 PM >--

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Cold Death

alone i walk
alone i stare
eyes coloured chalk
a soul in despair
my heart covered in ice
freezing every vein
i realise my plight
i realise my pain
you pretend i'm not there
you heed me not
you pretend you're not aware
you don't care if i halt
you don't know the pain
you don't know the feeling
of my heart screaming in vain
of my soul never healing
my life never sees a norm
my life is under strain
my life will forever be torn
it will never be the same
as i walked into the night
without you by my side
as i stared at the light
i knew my heart had died

Composed by ME so don't claim credit for it.
If you want to use it, ask me via tagboard.

--< blabbered at 10:27 PM >--

Only started revision on science, history and mt... die... have to start on the others already.

Guess what? I copied all the notes from roland's history notebook, and it was like, so damn long and i didn't really understand what he was writing. It was like, at one point of time i read the sentence "Students went to China but could not come back". I was thinking so long about what this meant and i finally consulted the textbook. And i finally understood that the chinese- educated had to go to China for higher education but were not allowed to return to Singapore because China was a communist country at that time. Get it? Hmmm, i still can't get my history book coz the book shop say no more stock, haiz. So i guess i'm just taking the easy way out by copying notes.
Haiz.... sometimes i feel that learning these kinds of subjects like history and geography are a real chore at times because of the amount of info that you have to squeeze into your grey matter...
And i'm not very enthusiastic about revising for geog cause there are just so many damn chapters and it's become a total BORE. Do any of you notice that when it comes to the exam period you're suddenly learning every single thing all over again??? It's like, one moment you read it, you seem to remember learning it before but you can't exactly recall ALL the facts concerning it. It's frustrating to know something but to not actually know it. Get what i mean?
Whatever...
Another thing that i feel nowadays is that i'm constantly being outdone by many ppl, and it's a really depressing feeling. I won't say what it is about in here, so just keep guessing. Have that stupid feeling of insecurity over and over again, duh, and i'm a nutcase.

And my chinese letter writing got 6/10, damn fcuked up.
My maths sucks i had to refer back to my notes so many times just to do that practice paper.
I dunno why but i keep concentrating on history and it's no good have to start on other subs...

I can't help but put this down. PDS is probably gonna fall apart real soon if we don't do anything about it. Ever since the start of the training there had been a power-hungry struggle amongst all of us. All of us wanted to be in-charge and it's really sad to see that some ppl are feeling negatively towards us. The girls especially, they feel that us guys are taking too much of the power and authority without giving them priority. I do feel really very remorseful over this and it's heartbreaking to see a squad who once got along so well break because of this small issue. I feel that if there had been no pds in the first place this all would probably not have happened...
There has also been another conflict between li shuang, joon kiat and soo teck. Especially li shuang and joon kiat. They both just can't seem to agree on how they want to run the pds. I know for a fact that joon kiat is rather biased in his character. I don't need li shuang to tell me that, coz i could see it in him ever since he got involved in pds. He often mentioned 'spinners' and 'non-spinners' and this is quite disturbing to the 'non-spinners'. Haiz... i also dunno what to say about li shuang lah actually. I feel that all this should just stop. Die. I wish that the seniors could be here, they would know what to do.

--< blabbered at 8:18 PM >--

Saturday, September 24, 2005

This is to all NP pds and NC pds,

I know that today i made a really big big mistake with that issue...
I've straightened out my thinking,
It's true that we wouldn't have been able to spin if we hadn't watched the ncc doing it. Although i still think that spinning doesn't rightfully belong to them, i think that i must still follow the compromisation with them. Okay, so someone had compromised with them that we wouldn't do champion spin, okay, and today i actually instigated four other ppl to do champion spin with me. I didn't know that the ncc were watching and we just spun like nobody's business. Okay, so it was my fault i know... fine, i apologise, okay?
I know that today i showed attitude to jia jian after he confronted me, and that was really stupid. Ya true it really was stupid coz i got a blasting from li shuang after that. And li shuang told us about the compromise and stuff and that we owe our knowledge of spinning to them.
Fine, i accept that.
But there is one thing, if we cannot do champion, then we will find another way to spin, or another stunt, i don't know how, but we WILL find another way. We're gonna carry this on until we pass out fromt the unit, you can be rest assured of that...
Today's incident is gonna be the turning point of our pds. We have to be totally independent and rely completely on ourselves to make NP pds a success and bring back the old glory. Fine, we won't do champion spin at all, probably, unless of course, this compromise is once again negotiated.
By the way, we still haven't really gotten over the cap thing. I mean, it was created by us without looking at the ncc and yet they had the power to stop us from using it. I don't care, once we take over pds again we will make sure that we develop our own style of stunts and actions. everything will be unique and we won't copy the ncc. But if the ncc copy us again, then it's none of our problem. I strongly believe that this was what the ex-senior batch of NP pds had done. They had created their own pds so unique it could be represented in competitions and big special events. Unfortunately, the skill was lost somewhere along the way and was never passed down to the junior batch. It's really painful to think that your cca had so much glory and honour in the past and that now it's all just like shit, and that we would have to restart the culture once again in the school.

Hmmm, i really wanna thank li shuang, soo teck and joon kiat for saving our formations at the very last minute. I know that the performance wasn't that nice actually, but at least it was something that we could show our seniors. I admit, under a lot of pressure ppl will usually crack and cock-up during the performance, especially the sec 1's, since it's their first time performing. I know that the ncc pds said some really discouraging things to our pds just before the performance started, can't really blame them though, because i was the one who started the big hoo-ha. Sorry.

Hmmm, I also want to thank the guy who took the trouble to come down to help spike our hair for us. He was also a great motivator and told us that we should be proud to be in NP. Gave us some real good moral encouragement through his talk and i'm thankful for that. And guess what? He said that he was previously from band and had gotten sacked for his sloppy attitude. Then he told us some great success story which really pushed our spirits. But the unfortunate thing was that joon kiat and soo teck were not really happy about us calling him 'sir' when he was not in NP. After the performance he told us not to despair over our mistakes and cock-ups and told us to gain this experience for the future.
Haiz... the rod tonight was quite nice indeed, except for the spinning part, and everybody left in high spirits.

And hey, i wrote this apology and reasoning out of my own will, nobody forced me to, except my own conscience, which told me that this is the thing that i should rightfully be doing.

Now that rod is ovr, cca will stand down and i swear i wiill go full steam ahead for the fye. I've been trying hard to study for the fye the past two weeks but was really tied down by NP and a lot of other things. Finally i have a week to myself and i can do my studying without distractions (at least some), and hopefully prepare in time for fye.

...

--< blabbered at 11:12 PM >--

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

ROAR, i left my uniform at school... got my badge summore, die.............

Have to really really really start revision, only one more week to FYE, why the term so short??? So many distractions, including the one staring at my face now... And what more other things which i can't get my mind off, seriously, so i have to block out all distractions now and do my revision.

Eek! Got the subjects combi today and looked through it. The second class looks very jia lat, got PURE geog which you must take if you go that class, horrible, I dun think i'll go second class... unless circumstances change... haha. Then there's a compulsory social studies subject to be taken, which CAN be chosen, if i'm not wrong...
Thats to my great relief... haha.
There's chinese literature :O , which I confirm, guarantee, plus chop, will not take, then there's also elective geog and hist for first class... lol but that one i think can just choose later. First class looks really nice but many ppl are fighting for the places. Haiz... too bad only got one class offer triple science.
Actually, i've heard that most of the ppl who go to the first class in sec 3 usually fail either or all of the sciences! Omgoose sounds scary. But wth, i dun think i'm going second class... if i no choice then die.

Got back my geog and mt test today. The mt was horrible... just nice pass 25/50 again. Duh... And you know what i think? I think that mrs foo is just trying to pass me. I mean, if she really is doing that then i'm EXTREMELY thankful to her. But at the same time it also makes me feel inferior, i dunno why. Haiz... I know there must be some catch behind this, coz for the whole year i had been getting borderline passes for my mt, and the mark always so nice 50%, duh... there's a catch behind this...
And i'm insecure, what the hell. I feel that way anyway...
At least my geog not so bad, 12/14, actually not bad AT all, haha. I love my last answer... hehe.

My goose, we only started training formations TODAY! Confirm die... only got three more days left and we have not enough time... i can't believe how li shuang can remain so calm and jovial about this, damn. I mean, i'm actually glad that she came to help us with formations but with everybody's joking attitude and poor attendance, is really pissing me off. And it's pissing me off real bad. I realise i tend to get very tetchy with the sec 1's. Any mistake they make, anything they did to piss me off, i would pull a long face or snap at them to be serious. I sound like an idiot now...
The fault as to why they're not showing us the due respect is not because of them. The problem doesn't lie with the sec 1's, but it lies with us. Some of us have realised how friendly we were to the sec 1's, and now they're treating us as friends instead of ic's. We were too friendly with them and that was our major mistake. And i still can't swallow it. On saturday everybody's gonna be watching us, and if it was internal rod instead of combined, maybe we won't lose so much face. Damn. Especially the ncc, saw their pds today and it was really discouraging for me... pds may never be the way we want it to be until we reach a higher authority. Until then, we will have to listen to li shuang and follow her 'way' of the pds...
duh...

And today i sent the wrong message at the wrong time, really sorry! Hope nothing was done to affect you... really sorry...

And also, this is to all bloggers out there!!! Please please please PLEASE don't post anything on your blogs which depict racism, critisicm towards politics, or anything of the like... A few bloggers had been arrested and jailed for posting such things on their blogs, so be careful!!!
Blogs are where we write down about our daily lives or discuss about something, and are not for us to post critisizing remarks... Keep that in mind and happy blogging!!!

--< blabbered at 7:57 PM >--

Monday, September 19, 2005

i don't feel like blogging now, so leave...

--< blabbered at 8:09 PM >--

Friday, September 16, 2005

Today was a great and bad day at some points.
I'll write everything from the start to the finish... hehe.
First, in the morning, after i came out from house and reached the mrt station, i realised i forget my gloves and rushed back to get them... -_- waste of time.
At school, i quickly rushed to find someone who could lend me a history textbook. Blardy hell, i had lost mine like, eons ago... and i was just reading through the whole chapter with nothing sinking into my head. I personally feel that we shouldn't have more than one test on a single day, coz we would have to study for both tests and its very taxing as we have to find time to study for both tests equally.... haiz
Then we had chinese test :O Haiz.... i dunno what to say lah, maybe fail? confirm fail? i dunno. And at the last minute i changed my answer, from the correct one to the wrong one mind you. so thank you very much i threw away one mark which is very precious to me if i want to pass. Then IMMEDIATELY after that was history test. I can tell you that one is confirm, guarantee, plus chop chop plus certificate will fail one. You wanna know why? Coz i didn't remember a single thing at all. The first question i just wrote down a few points which i could remember and i tried to extend its length by adding stupid sentences. The second question was like, 7 marks and i only wrote one point... similarly, i had extended that ONE point into quite a long paragraph, HAHA.
And the best part is........................ i left the last question BLANK. Im feeling GREAT man!!! I'm gonna fail two tests!!!
yay.
Prepare to see two fails on monday.
Hmmm, after that we had extra geog lesson. The MOE ppl came down to film our class in action. LOL it was hard not to laugh when the camera faced you. And jeeviyan was obviously acting out those 'professional' looks of understanding.
Only miz and joel were copying down notes... lol the rest of us all slack, dun care the camera.
And i sat with somebody today during that geog lesson... Strange floating kind of feeling, dunno how to describe, care to explain? xD
When we were reaching the end of the lesson we saw the master parade commencing at the parade square, and it was like, SHIT! We were soooo damn late. We took around 15 mins to change to full-u, which was quite long btw, and when we wanted to ask for permission to fall in, dharman sir told us to stand by the side... -_- . LOL all of us thought that dharman sir became slimmer already... coz he's still serving NS, lol.
And the rest of squad told us that they had already received their ranks... we were like, what the hell, we were left out. But anyway we later collected our ranks UNCEREMONIOUSLY from the ncos. But it was not that bad... coz we received brand new ranks! wOOt!
The lantern festival arh?
Haiz... why didn't they provide dinner for us??!! I just now had no money at all. KOSONG $$. Then borrowed money from roland to buy papparoti from cold storage. Omgoose back at school we hung up a few of the lanterns before going out for traffic duty.
Lagi wasted sia... Missed the performance. Everybody watching the performance while we were sitting at the bus stop being bored to death.
I can tell you that we waited for almost an hour-plus for the night walk to begin... bored to death!!! And other ppl thought we were idiots, hanging around that corner wearing gloves.... And when the crowd came we had a hard time getting the cars to stop and getting the crowd to stop. Irritating
After that we rushed back to school to find the celebrations over... gahhh..... wasted. But then we took a nice class photo and an NP photo. LOL they were quite mean, coz they chased khai ming out of the picture, but anyway i don't think he minds either... xD
I gave away my mooncake coz i had too much coke and pepsi, 1.5 litres each mind you...
The BEST part of the night was that we were asked to pick up the litter around the school.
FCUK
I think that the school should award NPCC with the "Most rendered services to the school" award or "Services of honour to the school" award. We have been doing this kind of thing since sec 1 and all we get is just a small thanks by the vice-principal and an even smaller thanks from mdm sauda.
Good sia they all.
Came back home at about ten plus, haiz... But now dun feel like sleeping...

--< blabbered at 11:02 PM >--

Sunday, September 11, 2005

My Life At Present

I fucking hate them.

Family sucks.

Friends are great.

--< blabbered at 1:24 PM >--

Saturday, September 10, 2005

hey...
Hmmm, i know i haven't posted for quite some time, like, three days?
Ha, i'll just post since someone asked me to... xD

What to say?... oh, okay, today was the air pistol competition at safra, and guess what? I was ONE whole hour late!!! We were supposed to meet at safra at 7 for mst, but the competition actually started at nine... Ha, i overslept... only woke up when aldrich smsed me. And when i woke up i was like, "SHIT!" Ahhh, whatever, at least i could skip mst... xD
Haiz... i don't think i'll dare to sleep late again...
Hmmm, it was the first time our air pistol team went for competition. We went into the safra shooting hall and it was so much nicer and grander than our school's shooting range.
We were given the chance to rename our team names, and what the hell, we changed our name from 'yishun town team 3' to 'rainforest spa'. LOL, u know why we chose rainforest spa? Coz beside the shooting range was a spa facility named 'rainforest spa', and since we had nothing else to choose...... Haha the other teams had strange names too, like 'complicated', 'simplified', 'MARKSMEN'... blah blah blah.
We had a dry shoot first to get a feel of the gun. The safra pistol was an older model of our school pistols.
Our school pistol looks like this:

But the safra pistol looks something like this:

See the difference? But i think the LP1 looks cooler. Haha our school uses the LP2 while the safra uses LP1 (i think). Omgoose when we shot our test rounds, the LP1 felt heavier and the trigger was DEFINITELY much more sensitive than the LP2. I was surprised when i just gave the trigger a SLIGHT squeeze and it fired. I wasted one pellet, haha but luckily that was just a test round...

When the real competition started we only had to shoot five rounds and it was over. Hmmm, i scored 30/50. But at least i reached mr nirav's target, coz he said that at least one of our shots must hit 10. :)

But our total score was only 100++, haiz..

Anymway, ytss dominated the competition as all top three places were taken by our other teams... omfgoose... i think mr nirav was trying not to smile xD.

Wah... there you have it... one post, it took me a lot of brain cells by the way...

--< blabbered at 7:19 PM >--

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

OMGOOSE i really have a lot to post and "let out" after a serious deprivation of the computer...

I want to strangle somebody. Yesterday after the typing course i went for the air pistol photoshoot. It was like, wth, raihan and i were the only "juniors" there. They told us we were going safra, and in the end we went ALL THE WAY to kallang, at aljunied road. Grrrrrr.
The worst part was when we went into the studio. Mr yim was there and when he saw me and raihan's pe shirts, he said they were too faded and we couldn't be in the photo.
BLOODY FU*K.
And we just sat there watching the rest of them taking photos. Bloody waste of time, go there only help them to carry pistols. Whatever...

BBQ? Ahhhhhh, whatever... It was okay lah i think. LOL i was around 4 and a half hours late... that stupid hanley lor... say want to go at 6, wait for him until 6 then he sms me and say that he dun want to go liao.
ROAR
If i see him i'll drown him. Made me wait 4 hours and he tells me last minute that he doesn't want to come. But what the hell, why did i even wait for him? I could have gone there myself anywayz... stupid me... And i had a hard time finding the pit, went to the wrong carpark too... harry told me carpark E, but there was like, E1, E2, E3 etc-etc... omgoose, turned out to be E3
Haha i learnt a new card game, somewhat a bit, coz its very confusing.
There was too much food.
Ya, when i reached there i actually forgot to eat... duh. Lol, lai yin was cooking the chicken and although there was already excess she continued cooking summore, omgoose.
After that we went for night walk at the beach, quite enjoyable, walked on bare feet as the sand was very soft, the breeze was good (can't remember if its sea or land breeze, xD).
Haha then harry and hui yu were like, walking further and further away from us, lol, and we still made an effort to walk slower...
We walked to the jetty and sat down at the benches, chatted about harry and hui yu for a while before leaving. We left them to their own devices at the jetty... xD.
Two irritating kukus came and harrased the girls while we were walking back, asking for their numbers... bah, if i give them 999 to call, see whether they want to call anot... ticopehs...
The BBQ ended quite late, at around 11 plus, we had a problem deciding how to get back home, siew bin said his father could fetch us back in his taxi, but there were a group of us living around the khatib area so we decided to take another taxi instead.
Lol on the way back the girls were joking non-stop. I took the taxi with THREE girls, hell i was the only guy, coz we left harry and hui yu to take their own taxi... xD. The girls were like joking about harry and hui yu, and other stuff like how billy, ragu and affiq added together became 'BRA', get it?
( B )illy, ( R )agu, ( A )ffiq.
Haiz... the trip to east coast cost around $14, but the return trip was only $3 coz there were four ppl sharing money, haha.

That was yesterday, hmmm, today we went to BK to do homework, it was like, okay, i gave up on the letter-writing, and i completely skipped the whole of specimen paper one for maths coz i didn't know how to do the first question, xD. Haiz... at least i completed SOME work. Duh, jia sheng has been pressing me to meet up to do the science project and the art, then it's like, wth, i'm not even in the same group as him for art. -_-

Hmmm, tomorrow still got pistol at TWO in the afternoon... sianz... This holiday i'm not staying home very much, i've realised...

--< blabbered at 7:24 PM >--

Friday, September 02, 2005

weeeeeee!!!! Today was the live shoot! I can tell you only two words about the shoot: 'sibei shiok'.
We went to the police academy at about three plus. Before we went into the range, it was like, so apprehensive. We could hear them shooting off on the other side of the wall, well, it wasn't really that loud, come to think of it. I only noticed how huge the range was when we entered.
I chose a lane beside jia hui and jia jun, which happened to mr charles lim's lane, yay.
They told us to put on ear muffles, the muffles were like, thick and hollow on the inside, but once you put them on, it blocks out almost every sound. I picked up the revolver and started loading the live bullets.
WOW, i couldn't believe i was holding REAL live bullets. They were golden in colour and had a grey head at the end.
As i finished loading the rounds, i was like, omgoose, i'm holding a loaded gun... lol first time i held a loaded weapon.
When we were instructed to shoot, i shot off all six rounds, and it was like, easy? I dunno, but i thought it was pretty easy to shoot and hit a spot in the box... haha i not trying to be BHB but it seemed really easy, you just have to have the correct stance, hand grip and knowledge on aiming. Haha i'm not totally sure all my shots were inside the box but im PRETTY sure i shot most of them in. The weirdest part was the second round because i thought i had fired off all of the bullets, but when i unloaded the cylinder, it turned out there was still one more live bullet inside. Haha, then mr lim was like, "Ey, why you haven't shoot the last one?" Then he quickly helped me load the bullet. After i got ready, i shot off FIVE empty rounds before i shot the last one, which came by surprise, resulting in me shooting out of the box... haiz...
Hmmm, strange, but i find shooting with the middle finger easier coz i can control the first and second pressures on the revolver with more ease such that it won't shoot off target. lol all of the others used their index fingers. Omgoose walter's finger became blue-black again, haha everytime we go for dry practice his finger always becomes blue-black :O .
Hmmm, then today while we sat waiting with the other schools, azizah came and sat down beside us. We met her during ATC. And when i saw her rank i was like, totally pressurized, coz she was wearing CPL rank and we were still holding on to LCP... duh.... why can't we get our ranks faster??? Our master parade has already been cancelled two times... sianz.

--< blabbered at 7:44 PM >--

Thursday, September 01, 2005

today i learnt the rainbow stunt from walter, yyayy! It looks real cool, seriously, very nice for using in kalang. Hmmm, i still haven't fully learnt the elegant stunt from walter yet, it looks quite nice but it has a lot of 'versions', i don't know which one i want to learn... xD . I've realised one thing, walter has probably created the most stunts ever since pds started, there's H2O stunt, warhammer stunt, complicated stunt and others which i can't remember by name. Haiz... too bad nobody really recognises his efforts, so i'm gonna help him by teaching the others his stunts, he'll probably feel less 'under-recognised' this way... haiz... i'm such a good guy, xD (giving myself a pat on the back).
Hmmm, i'm now thinking about creating a 'michael jackson' stunt, but it's hard lol.

Damn, now SOMEBODY had made a deal with the ncc saying that if we don't do champion spin, ncc will stop copying our stunts. Thats crap, utter crap. Since when has champion spin belonged to THEM? Stupid gits, when we went for the comp, so many of the schools were using champion spin. Bah, even girls could do it perfectly. What a stupid way to make a deal. The ncc are wrong to have copied our stunts in the first place, what more MY stunt. Bloody hell, especially hanley and harry. From what i know, their AIs had told them to learn our stunts. Hah, it's really below them to stoop to such a level to challenge us. I don't care what they say or what they do, coz li shuang mdm has given us the green light to practise WHATEVER spin we want, but we definitely will NOT stoop to their level.

And tomorrow is our live shoot! We'll be getting to fire LIVE rounds to practice for classification in sec 3, yay!!! Haiz... but have to be there in full-u, so i'm gonna polish my boots and prepare my uniform right now.

--< blabbered at 6:35 PM >--